Lion's Whiskers

During my addiction studies in graduate school, I learned the Twelve Step acronym H.A.L.T. for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired—an acronym to remind someone dealing with addiction to tune into their feelings instead of numbing them through destructive habits.  I later adapted this acronym for my parenting education workshops as a helpful and useful checklist for decoding common cries, cranky or fussy behavior.  It is a vital tool of courage, and essential for our survival, to be able to decode our own and others cries for help!

As an aside, this checklist will be helpful the next time someone snarky stares at you in the supermarket when your child is pitching a fit on the cereal aisle floor and asks:  “You let your kid talk to you like that?”  Your confident reply can now be: “Well, it might not sound like it to you, but I am actually just decoding his cry for help!”
Dr. Lisa’s Parenting Tip:

HALT!  Stop what you’re doing, pay attention to your child’s cries for attention.

H is for Hungry? 

Often a child is indicating a desire for basic needs: hunger and thirst being the primary homeostatic functions to balance the body’s blood sugar levels, temperature, and osmoregulation (body fluid regulation through water content).  Maybe you, too, have a short fuse lit by hunger?  When was the last time you ate a healthy meal, or had a glass of water?  Caring for our children requires that we take good care of ourselves, too.  Running the marathon that is parenthood, requires that we stop at the rest stops, and refuel, so we can run the most important race of our lives and meet our children at the finish line with pride!

A is for Angry? 

What happened just before the angry outburst, what need might be buried underneath the outburst or incessant whining?  Whining can result from an unmet emotional need.   Is there a time of day, location, or some other kind of pattern to the whining? Often underneath mad, you will find the source is sad.  Getting soft, meeting your child at his/her level—literally getting on your knees—and saying something like “I’m noticing that whenever you don’t get X, you get really mad.  I’m wondering if you might actually also be feeling sad?”  Then, let them vent for a minute or two.  Being gentle, hearing the lion’s roar but not being intimidated, goes a long way to taming the lions within and without. 

L is for Lonely? 

Often a child is seeking proximity, desiring closeness and connection for comfort.  Trust that a few minutes of body-to-body connection, hand-holding, eye-to-eye listening, or just quiet presence with your child can sometimes fill up his/her tank to run for hours!

T is for Tired? 

How is your child’s sleep?  Is it time for a nap?  Is it possible he/she is preparing to fight a cold/flu bug that might be going around?  Sleep being the necessary restorative process for human survival—particularly during times of illness.  Or is he/she about to achieve a new developmental milestone, like learning to walk or dealing with his/her first break-up?  All the tasks associated with physical and emotional courage take lots of energy! 

Most pediatricians recommend the following daily sleep amounts:

Birth to 3 months : 16 hours
3 months to 1 year : 13 to 15 hours
1 year to 2 years : 13 hours
2 years to 5 years : 11 to 13 hours
5 years to 12 years : 9 to 10 hours
Adolescents : 8 to 9 hours
(Source:  http://www.livestrong.com/article/9356-healthy-sleeping-children/)

Related posts:

What is Moral Courage? What is Intellectual Courage? Courage as an Antidote to Fear Quiet Alertness