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Peek-a-Boo!

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Little did I know that all the hours of playing Peek-a-Boo with my children actually produced necessary neuronal growth in their brains so they can feel secure in this world!  Peek-a-Boo teaches our child that we are a secure object.  I thought we were just having fun!?  That’s the cool thing about putting psychology research into practice, it can be fun.  Research now shows that many time-honored traditions in parenting help create the trust and courage in kids necessary to conquer many of life’s challenges. 

Around eight months of age, children develop the cognitive capability called object permanence.  Developmental psychologist Jean Piaget coined the term object permanence, that refers to the cognitive understanding that even when a secure object is out of sight, it doesn’t cease to exist. Even if we can’t see, hear, or touch someone or something, we can access the memory of its existence in our mind.  Imagine how much psychological comfort this cognitive capacity we all develop brings, given healthy and normal development.  Have you ever felt lonely and imagined calling someone you love and what they might say to comfort you?  Have you ever run a race and imagined the people who support you waiting with smiling faces at the finish line—especially when you feel like stopping?  Has it ever brought comfort and solace to remember the funny and loving memories of a relative who has died?  Object permanence can be protective and inspire courage in moments when we feel alone, distressed, or stressed. 
It is so fun to hide yourself from your child, just long enough to create some suspense, and then pop back into view.  Careful, though, around eight months your child will begin to show the normal signs of secure attachment, called separation anxiety, and cry for your prompt return—especially if you take too long to peek back out!  The game is not meant to be a psychological torture test, just helpful practice for building separation anxiety tolerance.  Remember, before your child develops object permanence, you literally cease to exist.  Who says parents aren’t master magicians? 
The goal is to teach your child to self-soothe, be reassured that you are a permanent object in his/her life, and how to reach out and find you or someone they love for comfort. 

Our family game was actually called, “Peek-a-Boo, I Love You.”  As soon as I would reappear, I would reassure my child that I really was back with a big smile, open arms, eye-to-eye contact, say “I see you” and, what would eventually become one of their first phrases, “I love you!”  I made sure to give the same verbal and non-verbal cues every time I would go away and come back once I started having other caregivers help in caring for my children.  Consistency being an important key to unlocking the treasure trove of trust between parents and children!

Schore’s (2001) research stresses the importance of this parent/caregiver-child game in that a child gets to experience glimpses of loss, and practice emotional regulation to handle any stress associated with object loss until the attachment object returns.  In other words, Peek-a-Boo helps us to teach our children the foundations of interpersonal trust.  We are playing a game, but practicing and building the mental, physical, and emotional muscle to handle bigger separations, and other courage challenges, to come.
I also didn’t know that my own learning and memory were improved through motherhood—that was a shocker given how hormonally zoned-out and tired I have felt at times.  According to Kinsley et al. (1999), increased neuronal connections occur in late pregnancy and in the early postpartum period reshaping the brain to handle the increasing demands of motherhood—now that I get!  The benefits, it turns out, of attachment between mother and infant are not unidirectional; our infants ensure their own and their mother’s development and survival through a rich set of sensory, and primarily non-verbal, cues related to what I’ve written about previously on attunement (see my post about one of the first of life’s courage challenges).  Playing Peek-a-Boo can help you not only wire your child’s brain, but any infant-caregiver game that evokes love, trust, playfulness helps us improve our own dendritic brain connections and calms our limbic system, too!
Upcoming posts will include more trust-building games to play with your kids!
Sources:
Kinsley, C., Madonia, L., Gifford, G., Tureski, K., Griffin, G., Lowry, C., Williams, J.,
Collins, J., McLearie, H., & Lambert, K.G. (1999). Motherhood improves
learning and memory. Nature, 402, 137.

Schore, A. (2001). Effects of a secure attachment relationship on right brain

development, affect regulation, and infant mental health. Infant Mental Health Journal, 22, (1-2), 7-66.   http://www.allanschore.com/pdf/SchoreIMHJAttachment.pdf

5-Minute Courage Workout: Saying “I’m Sorry”

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Compiled and written by Lisa and Jennifer:

Saying “I’m sorry” takes emotional and moral courage.  Learning about the true purpose and importance of making an apology begins and ends with empathy.

In learning to say “I’m sorry” children first need to learn to identify and express their own feelings.  Then, to develop empathy for another’s feelings.  Next, they will learn to recognize right from wrong.  Following early emotional and moral development comes responsibility-taking for one’s choices and behaviors, self-discipline, and assertive communication.

Hopefully, by supporting our children to develop emotional intelligence, empathy for others, and a sense of personal responsibility (whilst continuing to develop these skills ourselves) we can all help create more peace in ourselves, our community, and our world. 

Here’s a list of 5-Minute Courage Workouts by age range. Remember, all workouts are more effective when followed regularly.

 Grab Some Lion’s Whiskers Today!
  • Toddler: play I Spy the Feeling! while people-watching on your adventures around town today, or in the books you read together at bedtime, play-act different feelings with a puppet, or sing a five-minute rendition of “If You’re Happy And You Know It” about feelings and act-out the matching body language. The child who can say, “I’m mad!” is less likely to become so frustrated he/she will strike out.  If he/she does strike out, let them know “That hurt! If we hurt someone, we say ‘I’m sorry’.” If you do something hurtful accidentally, like stepping on a tiny toe or bumping into each other, look your toddler in the eye and say “I’m sorry I stepped on your toe.  Are you okay?” Just like please and thank you, I’m sorry can now begin to be part of your child’s developing vocabulary.
  • Preschooler: play the Let’s Take Turns game.  Sharing is an important first step in building the kind of empathy and self-control associated with social and moral courage.  Use a kitchen timer, if necessary, to help your child and his/her brother, sister, or friend take turns with a toy (you can practice with your child first, too)—don’t start with one of their favorite toys and keep the time limit short (2-5 minutes each to start)!  Allow them the opportunity for success.  Have them each pick two toys they’d like to practice sharing. At the start of the game, say “We’re going to play a sharing game today so you both get a chance to play with these toys.  We are going to use a timer and when your turn is done, you give the toy to Sam and you give your toy to Ella.”  At the end of the time, say “It’s time to share your toy.  After their turn, you will get another chance to play with it.” Use praise. “I noticed that as soon as the timer rang, you both shared your toys.  What caring friends you are to share! Now everyone has a chance to play with the toy today.”  If one or the other child grabs the toy before the end of the time, make sure he/she knows to say “I’m sorry I took the toy” and returns it.  Start the timer again. 
  • Early elementary student: your child’s cognitive development has now progressed to the stage he/she is able to empathize.  The world of right and wrong is now viewed through black and white lenses.  Deepening your child’s understanding that not everyone experiences everything he/she does in the same way will be important now.  For example, you may hear your child say “Well, I didn’t mean to break your cup, slam the door, etc. It was an accident!”  It will be important to teach your child that even if something is an accident, their behavior has an effect.  Letting our child off the hook at this stage (when they have done something wrong), and continuing to let them off the hook as they mature, may be the very reason some adults on Wall Street have yet to take responsibility for their actions and the consequences.  Children at this age are now becoming aware that they may have made a mistake or done something hurtful, but being worried about what others think of them may cause them to be shy about saying “I’m sorry” and/or taking responsibility for their action.  Start with a 5-minute review of classroom and family rules.  Discuss together over dinner tonight these two questions: “Why are rules important?”  “Why is saying ‘I’m sorry’ important?”
  • Upper elementary student or ‘tween: you may be hearing a lot of “I’m sorry…OKAY?!” at this stage.  Many kids are usually more than familiar with the throw-away version of the apology, couched in sarcasm and not an ounce of regret.  Here’s where parents can get creative and encourage children to brainstorm ways to “make amends” for their misdeed to get the full-impact of what an apology is really about.  One evening this week, consider spending five minutes writing together, on small slips of paper, something you would like to apologize for (be specific) but haven’t had the courage yet to do so.  The goal is to get any free-floating guilt on paper, whether or not you follow through immediately with the apology or not.  Then, share with one another your misdeed and intended apology. Discuss some of the barriers standing in your way: embarrassment, too much time has passed, fear of being judged/excluded, not really liking the person you hurt, etc. Decide together if the true forgiveness needed is actually self-forgiveness?  Or does a phone call need to be made, a note written to the special someone you wish to apologize, or simply a behavior changed? 
  • High schooler or teen: by the time our kids are teenagers, there are usually plenty of opportunities to apologize to our kids—heck we’re all hormonal by this stage!  On your drive to work, walking the dog, or just before bed spend five minutes reflecting on something you may have done that you would like to apologize for.  Now apologize.  For example, “Kyle, I’m sorry I said how stinky your socks were in front of your friends.  I am aware that I thought I was being funny, but noticed you may actually have been embarrassed.  I’m sorry for saying something potentially embarrassing about you.  I will be more mindful in the future to wait until we are alone together to suggest you use the foot odor spray we bought for your shoes. I hope you can accept my apology.” Then, make sure you follow through with said behavior change so your teen will, too!

Guilt is a powerful psychological mechanism that warns us when something is wrong, amiss, out of balance, or that a mistake’s been made.  Guilt’s purpose is to help us correct our course and move forward unburdened.  Sometimes saying “I’m sorry” is the first step to unburdening.  Oftentimes, however, when we are forced to say “I’m sorry” prematurely or without a complete understanding of what these two short, but powerful, words actually mean, we can transform guilt into shame.  Shame has a nasty way of keeping us stuck in the same behaviors that got us into trouble in the first place, and we end up feeling unworthy, suffer from low self-esteem, and can become socially isolated. As a parent, you are a powerful role model for your child to learn loving communication, assertiveness, and how to use his/her voice to express concern, care, and culpability (when necessary). 

Working on these skills may call upon different types of courage, depending upon your child’s particular strengths and/or temperament.  For example, asking some children to apologize may take emotional courage, for others social courage to do the same task. Review the Six Types of Courage to figure out which types your child needs to complete this workout.

Care to share what you’ve learned about teaching and modeling “I’m sorry” with your kids?

If you’re looking for more workouts, here’s our 5-Minute Courage Workout: A Fate Worse Than Death , 5-Minute Courage Workout: Talking Dirty,  5-Minute Courage Workout: It’s a Dog Eat Dog World, 5-Minute Courage Workout: Home Alone,  5-Minute Courage Workout: A Fate Worse than Death, 5-Minute Courage Workout: Playing with Fire, 5-Minute Courage Workout: Navigating the Neighborhood

Meat of the Tongue

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Okay, by now some readers may be ready to give up on me and my fairy tales and legends. “Too late,” they’ll say. “Didn’t do that when the kids were small, and now that they are reading on their own they don’t want to read these things. They’re too old for bedtime stories, even if Einstein thought they should read them.”
Allow me to paraphrase a traditional tale from Kenya, called Meat of the Tongue. A ruler was alarmed because his wife was thin and sickly and weak. Looking around, he saw that a humble tailor had a robust and healthy wife, and asked, what was the secret? “Meat of the tongue,” replied the tailor. So the ruler ordered all manner of tongue meat for his wife – wildebeest tongue, lamb tongue, gazelle tongue, even ostrich tongue – none of it availed. In desperation, the ruler asked the tailor to swap wives for a month, to see if that might bring his wife to better health. Sure enough, the ruler’s wife was soon happy and smiling and putting on weight, while the tailor’s wife was looking sad and tired. “What is it, what is it?” the ruler demanded. “What is this meat of the tongue?”

As you might have figured out by now, meat of the tongue is talk. Meat of the tongue is the nourishment we get from tales told and listened to. The good news about this nutritious dish is it is never too late to thrive on it! If your kids think they are “too old” for fairy tales, try some other kind of story, but tell it. Half the magic is the connection between the teller and the listener, the voice and the ear, the parent and the child. Attachment isn’t only a concept for parents of infants. My voice telling stories was one of the primary tools I used to develop attachment between myself and my daughter, whom I adopted when she was eight.

Picture a teenager, angry, frustrated, grumbling at his computer because a virus is causing havoc among his files. Picture his parent later that day, maybe while walking to the car, maybe while unpacking groceries, taking three minutes to tell the story of the Trojan Horse: After ten fruitless years of siege, the Greeks are ready to go home. But clever Odysseus has a plan: the Greeks build a giant horse, wheel it to the gates of Troy, and then seem to retreat. Hidden inside the horse are Odysseus and his most trusted warriors. The Trojans, rejoicing at their defeat of the Greeks, drag the great offering into their city behind the high walls – and thus the fate of Troy was sealed. In less than three minutes, this teenager can see his predicament connecting him back, over thousands of years, to one of the greatest stories we have. That’s pretty rich meat.  Traditional stories are sometimes referred to as “messages from our ancestors.”  For myself, I would like to remain open to those messages, because there is wisdom there that may help me be a better person and a better parent.

Stories are portable and convertible, like those compact suitcases that can grow to twice their size by unzipping a zipper. You can make them short, you can make them long, you can put all sorts of things inside them and carry them around as you travel. On top of that, what matters as much as the content of that narrative suitcase is the structure. The architecture of story is part of the meaning. By becoming familiar with the narrative structure –introduction of conflict, development of conflict, resolution of conflict – we can see a way to give structure to our experience. Intellectual courage gives us the ability to see patterns in our experience and find what is significant.  

“Meaning in a story reflects our belief that there is meaning in the universe, that no matter the disorder that frames our lives, in the center – in the place that reveals who we are – there is order.” These words were spoken by beloved children’s book author, Katherine Paterson, National Ambassador for Young People’s Literature, Hans Christian Andersen Award Winner, Newbery winner, National Book Award winner – winner of too many accolades from around the world to list, so you can take her word for it! It’s never too late to learn that our stories are ours to shape. We are the authors of our own tales, and that connects us to all the other tales of the world.   We are the heroes of own own stories.  Let that give children courage. Let them grow strong on meat of the tongue.

A Tall Tell Tale

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Living for a year in Switzerland as a child, I saw and heard frequent mention of that country’s legendary hero, William Tell. Pictures of the man with the crossbow on his shoulder and his son by his side were common. I like this story a lot, because it’s a story about moral courage and emotional courage in action in spite of anger and smoldering resistance. Anger can be a great motivator, but indulging in our passionate indignation can blur our vision and our decision-making. When we storm the castle with pitchforks and flaming torches we get to vent our feelings, but it usually doesn’t get us closer to our goal. This story is literally about keeping a steady hand in spite of anger. Courage requires self-control, or else it risks being mere recklessness.
In long ago days, the forest cantons of Switzerland suffered under the dominion of the Austrian emperors, and for some time, a cruel and tyrannical governor named Gessler ruled the canton of Uri. His authority was absolute, and many of his laws were designed to bring the people shame and humiliation. In the high hill town of Altdorf he had a tall pole raised in the center square and his hat placed on top. All the people were required to show their obedience whenever they passed through the square by bowing to this hat. To avoid this, most people just found a different route through town.
Now, in the mountains outside of Altdorf lived a hunter named William Tell, said to be the best shot with a crossbow in all of Switzerland. One day, not knowing the law about Gessler’s hat, Tell came to town with his young son, and passed through the town square without saluting.
Just then, a troop of soldiers with Gessler at their head rode through the square. Seeing William Tell pass without paying respect, Gessler had him arrested for treason.
“They say that you are the best shot in the land,” the governor said when he heard William Tell’s name. “If you can shoot the mark I give you, you will go free.”
“Name the mark,” Tell replied, taking an arrow from his quiver.
Gessler smiled at Tell’s son. “Do you think your father will hit the mark I decide?”
“My father can hit anything,” the boy replied proudly.
The tyrant laughed, and told his soldiers to stand the boy against a distant tree, and place an apple on his head. Then he turned to William Tell. “If you can shoot that apple from your son’s head on the first try, you go free. If not, you both die.”
Even the soldiers were appalled by this command, but William Tell just took another arrow from his quiver and tucked it in his belt. Then, with the first arrow notched to his crossbow, he took careful aim at his son. The crowd hushed. In the silence, the arrow’s whistling flight and the thump as it hit the tree were perfectly clear. The apple fell to the ground, pierced by the arrow. The boy ran back to his father, apple in hand.
“Impressive,” said Gessler. “But what was the second arrow for?”

William Tell looked Gessler straight in the eyes. “This one was for your heart, if my shot had harmed my son.”
At that, Gessler had Tell arrested again, and taken off for execution. But William Tell escaped on the journey and made his way to Gessler’s fortress. There, Tell shot the governor with his second arrow, freeing his people from tyranny.

Courage Book Review – 1,001 Versions of the Arabian Nights

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The great, overstuffed toy box that is the 1,001 Arabian Nights has provided stories and inspiration for generations, with examples of each of the six types of courage.  How many of us have had occasion to say “Open Sesame!” or joked about the perils of rubbing tarnished lamps?  It is likely that only scholars or novelists would attempt to make their way through the entire collection.  For most of us, “selections” will have to do.  Rather than 1,001 we might be satisfied with far fewer – the highlights reel.  Here are three to consider:

The Seven Voyages of Sinbad the SailorThe Seven Voyages of Sinbad the Sailor  retold by John Yeoman is enlivened by the wonderful illustrations of Quentin Blake.  The narrative follows the familiar formal style of the early translations of the tales: “Little by little my strength began to return and my spirits began to revive.  When I could walk comfortably again, using a stick that I cut from a tree, I decided to explore the island.”  This formal diction can weigh heavily, but the loose, breezy style of Blake’s artwork adds lightness to a heavy dough.  The shipwrecks and monsters and twists of fate that make up these voyages will provide many hours of excitement. 
Tenggren's Golden Tales from the Arabian NightsAnother beautifully illustrated mix-tape of tales from the Arabian Nights is Tenggren’s Golden Tales from the Arabian Nights.  The ten stories here are among the most popular of the tales,  retold by Margaret Soifer and Irwin Shapiro in a more contemporary style with plenty of dialogue. Acclaimed Scandinavian illustrator, Gustaf Tenggren, turned this into a visual feast of full-page illustrations in dazzling colors.  Originally published in 1957, this book has been reissued with an introduction by Mary Pope Osborne of Magic Tree House fame.  The Scheherezade story starts the ball rolling; it is significant one, as it gives us the moral courage of a girl who is willing to risk her life to put a stop to the murderous wife-killing spree of the king. 
One Thousand and One Arabian Nights (Oxford Story Collections)For readers with more ambition, One Thousand and One Arabian Nights (Oxford Story Collections) retold by Carnegie Medal-winner, Geraldine McCaughrean, offers many more stories.  Here, McCaughrean follows the spirit of the original by weaving the tales into and around  the story of Scheherezade who preserves her life day after day with the infamous cliff-hanger style of story-telling.  “‘But what am I thinking of,’ said Shahrazad, breaking off suddenly.  ‘I have told you the story of the First Voyage of Sinbad and now I presume on your patience to tell you the awful events of the Second Voyage.’   ‘Don’t interrupt the story with your chattering,’ said King Shahryar. ‘Go on, go on.’  ‘But your courtiers are knocking on the door, my most eminent and conscientious lord, and I still owe you your rightful wedding present – my little head in a silver dish.’  ‘Worthless woman!’ said Shahryar, stamping to the chamber door… ‘Are you suggesting that I go without the Second Voyage of Sinbad rather than keep my own headsman waiting?  I forbid you to leave this room until I have come back tonight and heard the story.’  ‘O patient and even-tempered husband,’ said Shahrazad. ‘To hear you is to obey.'”   The intellectual courage and physical courage she displays is a lesson to us all – “grace under pressure” is putting it mildly!

What the McCaughrean book also has, that the others do not, is Allah.  What is noteworthy about the earliest Western translations (I’m looking at the Burton translation from the late 19th Century) is the omnipresence of Allah as an inescapable force throughout the lives of the characters, frequently invoked, frequently praised, always credited with ultimate control.  Since this is a blog about courage, I think this is important: many of the characters in the stories are sustained by their spiritual courage as much or more than anything else.  To remove this major source of courage from the stories robs them of their power, and renders them mere adventure tales.  I recommend the first two books for the pictures, but for the spirit of the Arabian Nights, go with the third.

C’mere! C’mere! Go ‘way! Go ‘way!

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Let’s take a look at what happens when infants may not have the opportunity to attach in healthy ways, due to parental death, neglect, abuse, addiction, or infant illness, isolation, or cognitive disability, for example.  Less tragically, but no less significantly, a constant rotation of caregivers will also fail to support the attachment process in ways that are sustaining and mutually beneficial between caregiver and child.

I want to remind everyone that even in cases of parental abandonment for one reason or another, other loving caregivers can securely fill the primary attachment relationship role and ensure a child’s survival and well-being! 

Attachment is not destiny; our brain and our being are flexible and resilient.  We continually develop throughout our lifespan!

We do not all share the same race, culture, gender, personality type, or family configuration, and we all, to some degree or another, vary in our attachment style.  The important thing is that we learn to attach, even if we are, or our parents were, at times insecure, avoidant, or ambivalent.  We are watching out in our parenting for extreme insecurity in attachment relationships—which is in the minority of cases!  And, in those cases treatment is possible!   

Much of what is now understood about unhealthy attachment styles is based on Mary Ainsworth’s (1978) “Strange Situation” study.  Essentially, Ainsworth’s hypothesis was that infants and children (between 12 and 18 months of age) tend towards exploration in an unfamiliar environment when a primary attachment figure (typically the mother) is present, and slow-down or cease exploration when he/she is absent.  What resulted from her longitudinal studies was support for her hypothesis.  Her studies also showed that individual differences were evident amongst the children depending on the nature of attachment relationship.  In particular, differing behavioral responses in children upon reunion with their mother figure were most telling in terms of the quality of attachment relationship.  According to Fraley’s (2010) summary of Ainsworth’s research:

Children who appear secure in the strange situation, for example, tend to have parents who are responsive to their needs. Children who appear insecure in the strange situation (i.e., anxious-resistant or avoidant) often have parents who are insensitive to their needs, or inconsistent or rejecting in the care they provide. In the years that have followed, a number of researchers have demonstrated links between early parental sensitivity and responsiveness and attachment security (¶ 5).

Ainsworth proposed three types of attachment relationships based on her observations: secure, ambivalent-insecure, and avoidant-insecure.  A fourth attachment style was proposed by Main and Solomon (1986) known today as disorganized-insecure attachment, frequently corresponding with the mental health disorder called Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).  Here’s a great link for promoting healthy attachment in kids, particularly those diagnosed with RAD: http://www.attach-china.org/activities.html

Schore (2001) explains the process of finding the balance between separation and attachment as follows: 

Infant resilience emerges from an interactive context in which the child and parent transition from positive to negative and back to positive affect, and resilience in the face of stress is an ultimate indicator of attachment capacity and therefore adaptive mental health (p. 21).

The nature of the kind of relationship we form with our children leads to specific behavioral responses on the part of our children, particularly in stressful situations and in intimate relationship.  When we listen to ourselves and our children’s cues for happiness, discomfort, sadness, hunger, loneliness, tiredness, sickness, and fear we reassure ourselves and our children about our capacity for caring, for courage, for emotional regulation, and we once again restore our homeostatic and symbiotic balance after stress.  Stress is, after all, an unavoidable part of life. Our kids are just looking for us to be their constant secure base and safe haven, especially during those stressful moments. 

Keep in mind that the vast majority of us form secure primary attachments early in life.  It is a small minority of us that fall into the following categories of insecure attachment styles that can form based on a poor quality of our primary attachment relationship(s):

(Courtesy of Kendra Cherry, http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/ss/attachmentstyle.html)

If you are curious what your attachment style is, check out this survey developed by attachment theory specialist, Chris Fraley, PhD, at the University of Illinois:  http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl Be aware that this survey is primarily based on research about adult romantic attachment relationships as an indicator of attachment style.  My advice would be, take it with a grain of salt.  It might be interesting or simply confirm what you already know to be true…why, for example, you may hover as a parent or never want to play the “Feelings” game. 

Keep in mind that you need not be filled with regret if your own early attachment experiences were not positive. Adult romantic and/or otherwise intimate relationship learning contribute significantly to our later ability to attach as parents to our own children.  Where there is life, there is hope!  To be inspired by this message, watch The Human Experience (it is now available on Netflix as an instant download).

Dr. Lisa’s Parenting Tip:

If you are worried about improving your own or your child’s ability to form secure attachment relationships, seek therapeutic support—particularly someone trained in child development, attachment theory, and family systems therapy.  In addition, most states and/or provinces offer early child intervention services (ECI) available in major city centers.  Knowing what we do about the importance of forming secure attachments and early intervention with childhood developmental disorders like autism and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), particularly during the first three years of life, it is essential to reach out for support earlier than later!  Remember, one of the most important ways to boost resilience is reaching out for support when you need it. 

A helpful book for any parents of children with RAD is When Love is Not Enough: A guide to parenting children with reactive attachment disorder (rad) by Nancy Thomas or Attachment-Focused Parenting: Effective Strategies to Care for Children by Daniel Hughes.

Sources:

Ainsworth, M., Blehar, M., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A

psychological study of the strange situation. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.
Bowlby, J. [1969], (1999). Attachment (2nd ed.), Attachment and Loss (Vol. 1). New York: Basic Books.
Bowlby, J. (1988) A Secure Base: Clinical Applications of Attachment Theory.  London: Routledge.

Main, M. & Cassidy, J. (1988). Categories of response to reunion with the parent at age

6: predictable from infant attachment classifications and stable over a 1-month
period. Developmental Psychology, 24, 415-426.
Fraley, C. (2010). A brief overview of adult attachment theory and research. Retrieved January 30, 2011, from University of Illinois: http://internal.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm

Roisman, G. & Chris Fraley, C. (2008). A behavior–genetic study of parenting quality,

infant attachment security, and their covariation in a nationally representative
sample. Developmental Psychology, 44, (3), 831–839 doi: 10.1037/0012-
1649.44.3.831.

Rutter, M. & Taylor, E. (2002) Child and adolescent psychiatry. (4th ed.). Oxford:

Blackwell Publishing.

Schore, A. (2001). Effects of a secure attachment relationship on right brain

development, affect regulation, and infant mental health. Infant Mental Health
Journal, 22, (1-2), 7-66.   http://www.allanschore.com/pdf/SchoreIMHJAttachment.pdf

Warren, S., Huston, L., Egeland, B., & Srouge, A. (1997). Child and adolescent anxiety

disorders and early attachment. Journal of the American Academy of Child &
Adolescent Psychiatry, 36, (5), 637-644. doi: 10.1097/00004583-199705000-
00014.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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Happy Mother’s Day to all our wonderful mother readers around the globe!

May you honor yourself today and everyday for the vital role you play in your child’s life. Parenting requires everyday and heroic acts of courage to be the best parents we can be. Never underestimate how important you are in a child’s life, as a powerful model of courage, compassion, and caring.

Blessings on the parenting journey!

Courage Quote of the Day

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“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror.  I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”~ Eleanor Roosevelt