Write your child a thank you note today. What? Your child can’t read or write yet? That’s okay, you can!
Maybe even enclose a drawing of your own? Our kids love to see and even giggle over our drawings.
In my opinion, Strachan is trying to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to give Achilles and Odysseus credit for positive actions (controlling anger, concocting a genius plan) while still pinning the blame for the whole mess on the gods. Achilles’ grief needs the consolation of his mother, sea goddess Thetis, and the gods are still to blame when things go against the mortals. Zeus gets angry, Poseidon butts in, Iris sends messages, Apollo shows up — You can’t have it both ways! (Have you ever said that to an 11-year old? I have!) Either the gods are in control of us or they aren’t. Share both books with your kids if you can, but if you can use only one, use the Sutcliff book. Ask your child whether she is as willing to take blame as credit. Talk about the meddling of the gods. You might be surprised by where the conversation takes you.
Do you believe that you control your fate or that outside circumstances beyond your control do? In 1966, psychologist Julian Rotter was busy trying to answer this question and bridge traditional psychoanalytic thought and behaviorism (the zeitgeist at the time) into what is now termed social learning theory. One aspect of Rotter’s social learning theory, that is particularly relevant to the way we can parent a child to develop courage, is called Locus of Control of Reinforcement. Locus of control is related to individual difference in the way we generalize our expectancies (i.e. what we think will happen to us in the future). If you want to help your child develop courage, teaching him/her to develop an internal locus of control is important.
On the other hand, when we continually rescue our children from completing age-appropriate tasks they are fully capable of doing, limit their opportunities to prove their worth and capability, push too hard in areas they are ill-equipped or disinterested in succeeding, or pull them back from accomplishing something due to our own fear, bias, or agenda—our children develop an external locus of control. They learn to expect others to save them from the burden of responsibility for their life.
Internals (or as I call them, “innies”) learn to see a causal relationship between their behavior and rewards, whereas externals (or “outies”) miss the point altogether and attribute both their successes and failures to forces outside themselves.
Rotter cautioned broad applications of this particular construct in personality theory. He understood that the interaction between the human being and his/her environment is complex and his/her responses fall on a continuum instead of one particular discrete style. It may be, for example, a healthy response to fear and life challenge to rely on the spiritual courage associated with having a faith-based practice or belief system. On the other hand, believing in yourself, using powerful visualization techniques and positive affirmations and having the physical courage to dig deep and finish that fitness training program, may be exactly kind of internal locus of control that is needed.
Source:
Rotter, J.B. (1966). Generalized expectancies of internal versus external control of reinforcements.
Psychological Monographs, 80, (whole no. 609).
Twenge, J., Zhang, L., & Im, C. (2004). Itʼs beyond my control: a cross-temporal meta-analysis of
increasing externality in locus of control, 1960-2002. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 8,
(3), 308-319. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15454351
“I’ve developed a new philosophy…I only dread one day at a time” ~ Charlie Brown (a.k.a. Charles Schulz, Creator of the world-famous comic strip Peanuts, 1950-2000)
Here’s a list of 5-Minute Courage Workouts by age range to boost confidence in our dirt-deprived and germophobic world.
We’d love to hear about your results with one of these workouts, or share your own!
I am a gardener. I get dirty. I often wear dark nail polish in the summer to hide how unscrubbably grimy my fingernails have become.
A startling video on YouTube made the rounds a few years back, about a lion named Christian and the two men who had raised him. The background is that in 1969 these men saw a lion cub for sale in London (let’s not even begin to talk about how this could have been legal) and brought it home, raising it in their apartment and exercising it in the neighboring churchyard. Inevitably, this male lion (named Christian) became too big, and the young men did what they must to reintroduce it to the wild in Africa. More than a year later they returned to look for their old friend; the lion came to them and embraced them, rubbing against them like an overgrown kitty, and even introduced them to its wild-born mate. Watching this video (with a power ballad soundtrack!) brings tears and also the question – how could those men be so sure they were safe? What sort of courage is that?