Comments on: Failure Is Always an Option

By: Jennifer Armstrong

Jennifer Armstrong — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 07:25:00 +0000

Thanks for your feedback, Fear Dragon.Yes, keeping track of our own performance is a great way to measure progress without negative comparison with others.When my daughter is discouraged because she feels that her stories are not as good as my stories I remind her that she's comparing herself to 1. a professional 2. an adult 3. a native English speaker.When I remind her of how far she has come since moving here from Ethiopia at age 8, she instantly changes her outlook and her self-esteem visibly rises (i.e. sad face changes to surprised and proud face).

By: Jennifer Armstrong

Jennifer Armstrong — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 07:16:00 +0000

That Kubler Ross quotation is really wonderful.Thanks for sharing.

By: Fear Dragon

Fear Dragon — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 10:54:00 +0000

My son went running the other day, resulting in a time somewhat outside his PB but he had a go and, of course, any physical activity always has its benefits.I find timing oneself useful for monitoring how your fitness is progressing and for creating a challenge, so long as it is not used as a negative self-judgement.

My comment to him: "Mate, you were a winner the moment you put on your sneakers!" had just the desired effect!

The word "fail" is such a setup word (right up there with that other bogey word "should") and you, of course, know that you will not "fail" because the terms for classification of failure/success in your challenges are different.Like my son and his running, you will be a winner just by trying.Good luck with your project!

By: Marlaine Cover

Marlaine Cover — Sun, 22 Apr 2012 11:35:00 +0000

Wonderful article! Helen Keller famously said "The fearful are caught as often as those who take risks." Critical we ask ourselves what is the high bar of being? While academia nutures individual achievement and success at the expense of others, Life rewards the courageous and those that are able to empathize and inspire others to persevere through difficulties. This capacity comes with personal experience – with the lessons learned through failure. Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote "The most beautiful people we have known are those that have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern."

By: Jennifer Armstrong

Jennifer Armstrong — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 08:28:00 +0000

Yes, being able to lose a competition gracefully is a very useful thing, as I learned when I lost a game I had just taught my daughter how to play!

By: Jennifer Armstrong

Jennifer Armstrong — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 08:25:00 +0000

Thanks, Rick - yes, you make a good point.It's not so much teaching them to fail (since that's inevitable sooner or later) as teaching them to fail without freaking out.

Best wishes to you and your family.

By: rick ackerly

rick ackerly — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 06:46:00 +0000

I agree. Critical message for parents, schools and society. i would quibble, that we don't so much need to "teach children to fail" as not to teach them not to fail. I met a thirty-year-old on a plane last month and discovered a person who had learned how to be invincible:
http://rickackerly.com/2012/03/07/the-invincible-thirty-something-and-the-three-joys-of-parenting-a-difficult-child/
Kids don't have the problem–our culture does.

By: Barbaloot

Barbaloot — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 04:54:00 +0000

I love this!I think teaching children to 'fail', to make mistakes, lose a competition gracefully with their confidence intact is one of the most important jobs we have as parents.