https://lionswhiskers.com/2011/05/are-you-inny-or-outy.html A parenting coach and a children's book author discuss raising their kids to have courage for the challenges on the path ahead Tue, 02 Jun 2015 06:55:00 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.8 https://lionswhiskers.com/2011/05/are-you-inny-or-outy.html#comment-38 Sun, 29 May 2011 07:39:00 +0000 https://lionswhiskers.com/?p=22#comment-38 Thanks Angela and TootieFoodie! First, keep in mind that we all fall somewhere along the continuum between having an internal and external locus of control. Certain situations, personality styles, and cultural contexts, etc. all come into play in helping to shape our locus of control focus. The bottom line is: do you feel like you have an impact on your life, that you are responsible for the outcome of your actions/choices/behaviors, and/or do you feel powerless/hopeless/helpless to the circumstances of your life? It is, like in most things, all about finding a balance that suits you. Some specific parenting approaches are embedded in this post. As for how to begin to shift your own external locus of control focus, it may be helpful to remember: what we focus, we get more of. If part of your external locus of control is faith-driven and you are proud of your belief in fate, God, or a Higher Power's influence in your life (a more external focus) and that works for you, offers comfort, lends meaning…then that can be a good thing. If, however, you don't feel you are an active agent in designing your own life, start with making a list of all the things you have accomplished in your life that you are proud of. Identify the qualities, habits, and attributes you've developed to help you accomplish those things. Highlighting our successes helps bring to our attention what makes us unique and the hero/heroine in our own story. Next, identify some changes you might like to make in your life, the steps involved in accomplishing those changes, and the qualities/skills you may need to develop to accomplish your dreams. Asking for help is an important skill in life, but developing the assertiveness, self-confidence, and belief in your ability to help yourself, too, is as important. As a parent, I watch for ways I teach my children that I am responsible for the quality and success in my own life. For the most part, I try not to whine about being a passive participant in my life. I talk about the faith I have in life with my children, but that it is also up to me to put into action, with courage, my hopes and dreams. I try not to overfunction for them, when I know they are perfectly capable of doing age-appropriate tasks/chores, etc. I highlight their unique skills, abilities, and talents; I admit my own areas of weakness and share with them what I'm doing about improving those aspects. Blessings on the journey!

]]> https://lionswhiskers.com/2011/05/are-you-inny-or-outy.html#comment-37 Sun, 29 May 2011 05:17:00 +0000 https://lionswhiskers.com/?p=22#comment-37 Ok…so I, as an adult, apparently have an external locus…how do I change this and not pass it on?

]]> https://lionswhiskers.com/2011/05/are-you-inny-or-outy.html#comment-36 Sun, 22 May 2011 10:44:00 +0000 https://lionswhiskers.com/?p=22#comment-36 Hmmmm….I can't decide what I am but I wonder if there is just a good balance between the two?

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