Comments on: The Journey Our Kids Are On

By: Jennifer Armstrong

Jennifer Armstrong — Wed, 04 May 2011 07:25:00 +0000

Thank you for your comments, Miven, and I'm so happy to hear that parents are listening to your talk – it means not all parents are afraid to trust their kids. Did you also take a look at our 5-Minute Courage Workout: Navigating the Neighborhood?It has tips for every age child.And I love the quotes!Thank you very much for sharing.

By: Miven

Miven — Wed, 04 May 2011 01:59:00 +0000

I love your approach and I practice it myself in a big city. I have a talk I give to parents called "How to let your child walk around the block–alone." Autonomy and trust are great gifts to children. As Dr. Wendy Mogel says, have them take risks and make mistakes now when the stakes are lower. I think you reference that when you wonder how other parents will feel when their teen gets behind the wheel of a car.Another good quote on this subject is, how do you get trustworthy kids? By trusting them.

By: Lisa Dungate

Lisa Dungate — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 03:08:00 +0000

Well, this post certainly hit a nerve–and a tweet from http://www.freerangekids.com founder Lenore Skenazy didn't hurt! Barbaloot, thanks for the socio-economic reminder…much appreciated. After my parents' divorce, like many single parents, my mother too had little choice about some of the neighborhoods we lived in. Though she certainly always tried to find the best possible neighborhood we could afford! I've also worked with a number of families where having what I prefer to call the "looking out for strange behavior" talk is necessary. Instead of unnecessarily instilling "stranger-danger" fear in children, I coach parents to teach their children to listen to their own gut feelings, survey their surroundings, know safe people/places to reach out to if needed, etc. Lucky for you, your parents taught you to navigate your neighborhood safely and clearly inspired you to be assertive, speak your truth, and learn some valuable self-defense. We are hoping to appeal to all demographics, as every child deserves the kind of parents you had! Keep your thoughtful comments coming. All our best!

By: Evelyn

Evelyn — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 07:00:00 +0000

I couldn't agree with you more, Jennifer! (And love, love the blog!) When we chose to relocate to Saratoga it was because this is such an extraordinary place to raise children on foot. I asked my husband, "Don't you want our kids to walk to school if they can? Don't you want them to learn to cross a busy street alone, to deal with strangers?" And truly, I can't imagine anything better than a teenager not NEEDING to get into a car to stroll around town with friends on a Friday night, or to get to an afternoon job, for that matter. (Now if only I could get speed bumps installed on Circular, life would be perfect…Talk about courage for parents… oy vey.)
Fantastic blog! I'm sharing with everyone I know…

By: MaryBeth

MaryBeth — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 08:39:00 +0000

Thanks for the post Jennifer!The more we can get the word out that what we feel as a group is paranoia, the faster we can overcome it.However, there are reasons to live in the country too.I wanted our children to be more in touch with where their water comes from (the well)and where the toilet water goes (the septic and then the garden) and see the connection between the earth and how we can manage to live on the earth.But that doesn't mean I kept them from walking the roads.When my daughter was 12 she was having a boring summer.(I believe every child should have at least one BORING summer) so she decided she wanted to go into town to the library every day.That was 7 miles away.She got up every morning and packed a lunch and started walking to town.I did agree to pick her up in the afternoon.There were no sidewalks, these were country roads.But violent crime is pretty nonexistent in our town, and she certainly had the same ability that I had to manage to not get hit by a car. (Better, actually – much quicker reactions)So I just tried to put it out of my head that I didn't know exactly where she was on the road or if she ever made it to the Cooperstown library.She was on an adventure, and when you are on an adventure you don't check in or call home or carry a cell phone.And every afternoon there she was at the library, full of stories of dogs that chased her, and neighbors that stopped to ask her if she needed a ride.She still talks about that summer.(She is 18 now.)It was the summer we were both very brave.And it paid off.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 07:54:00 +0000

great post, thanks Jennifer! Sometimes I just have to distract myself when I worry about my kids' steps towards independence. Look the other way and let them get on with it. This includes not only "venturings out" in our city, but also things like climbing on top of the swingset and walking across the top rail. My daughter has excellent balance and physical strength; why should I inject my worry into her physical confidence? I never explored enough that way as a kid and now I regret it.- Betty T

By: Robin Smith

Robin Smith — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 06:37:00 +0000

Thanks, Jennifer. I remember well the looks I got from the folks at school when they found out that my son, then in sixth grade,was allowed to ride his bike by himself. I live in an upscale urban neighborhood near a major university. There are sidewalks and houses with families everywhere. Crime, especially in the daytime, is nearly nonexistent. On his bike, he could get to a grocery, the post office, the bookstore and an ice cream place. And, of course, the university was like a playground to him.

Each year on his birthday, we would get out the map and decide how much farther he could go on his own. He never had a cellphone, but, the one time he had an accident, he knew exactly what to do.

I am reading fairy tales with my class right now and it is interesting how many of these kids are afraid,no, terrified, of strangers. When I ask why...they have no idea. I remind them that talking with strangers is polite, going anywhere with strangers is dangerous.

Thanks for this excellent essay.

Robin

By: Barbaloot

Barbaloot — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 06:35:00 +0000

I love the spirit of this post and agree with 99 percent of what is said – but forgive me, I have to nitpick one point.Where you live is only a choice for those of us with the economic power to make it a choice.Financial status limits the choices of many, many families.I spent parts of my childhood in neighborhoods that certainly were not my parents' first choice, but the best choice they could afford.Now, my parents did also teach me the skills to navigate those neighborhoods safely and I do agree that children need to learn those skills and explore and all that.But at times we required an adult to walk us to school, where security guards were on duty not because of parental paranoia but because of very real violence rooted in economic disadvantage.I vividly recall walking one morning and my mother grabbing my jacket and yanking me backward as a rock whizzed by my head.In jurisdictions with public housing, the only choice people have is accept the location offered or see what you can afford on your own (which is usually unsafe in a whole host of ways).I get that this is not the demographic you are talking about, but I think it's important not to forget that in many people's reality, choice is often a privilege, even in matters where it should not be.Peace.